The original and still the best since 1997
Dirty Tricks

By Anonymous

Lane shows up at the house in stereotypical female magician attire: black coat, bowtie, black slacks, and black heels; the magic hat was a particularly nice touch.

When the door opens, she expected a bunch of kids and parents, but instead sees a guy.

"Hi," he says, "you're the magician I hired. I hope you're really good; my wife wants a special show from you. You got the details of my request, right?"

"Yeah," said Lane. "I've had weirder shows, but this pays well. I hope you have a good shower."

"We do," he said, "but the clothes need to be dry cleaned, I'm afraid."

Once the birthday girl, the wife, has met Lane, the couple set up a large tarp on the ground, then ask Lane to do what she does best.

"So...let's get this show started! Let me take off my hat," says Lane, who then shows there was nothing inside her top hat.

"Now, here...we...go!" With that, she throws the hat up to the ceiling...where it just seemed to vanish.

Lane looks up and goes "Hmm...where did my hat go?"

From nowhere, a large wave of thick creamy chocolate slime gushed upon Lane's head and face; the magician was engulfed in goo in very little time.

The birthday girl loved it.

"That was unexpected," Lane said, after clearing her eyes. "I was expecting this, instead."

Three unplated pies were launched at her face.

"Where did THEY come, I wonder. Couldn't be from the birthday girl. I doubt it's from the left..." She turned to her left, and had a massive pie launched from out of the blue to her messy, pretty face.

She turned to her right, and went "It didn't come from the right," and another big pie materialized and slammed her in the face.

She faced the wall and said "It didn't come from behind me..." A big pie hit her in the butt, and another hit her in the back of the head.

"And I know it's not from up there," she said looking up. A very thick, creamy wave of green slime cascaded Lane's face.

The birthday girl was giggling and clapping; her husband was very happy as well.

"I gotta figure this out; I need to sit down." She saw a chair, and just sat down. As she did, a look of confusion and disgust appeared on her face.

"Hey! What the...."

Instead of her nice black heels, her feet were now in two big chocolate pies.

"What happened to my shoes?!" She pulled her feet out of the pies, and squished the cream between her toes.

The couple were quite impressed.

Lane pointed to them, acting mad, as was part of the arrangement for this show. "Did you do this? Where are my shoes? How...oh, what is this?!"

Now, instead of shoes or pies, her bare feet were now in a bucket of blue slime.

"At least it wasn't dumped on my face," said Lane, who was then, seconds later, bombarded with a large amount of blue slime, flowing all over her face and head.

Moments afterward, the magic hat reappeared.

"There you are! You're the cause of all of this messy nonsense, aren't you? What happened?"

Lane held the top hat over her face, looking inside.

A massive amount of green slime seemed to emerge from the hat as she held it over her face. After that, a large amount of warm water appeared to wash most of the goo off.

"How's that for some dirty tricks?" Lane got up, and took a bow. The birthday girl loved every second of it.

After she got washed up and got a replacement set of clothes, the couple said "We'll take care of the dry cleaning. Just tell us how you did all of that!"

Lane put a finger to her lips. "Magician's code. Sorry."

The End

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